Friday, February 4, 2011

30 Days of Pictures - Day 21

Day 21 - "A picture of something you wish you could forget."

I know this is called "30 Days of Pictures" but the one thing in my life that I wish I could forget is something I don't have a picture of. So, I guess you'll just have to bear with me.

On September 2, 2001, I watched and listened to my father take his last breath. That sound has haunted me these past 9 years....not because I thought it was frightening but because in one instant it represented two very important roads in my life: The end of my father's life and the beginning of my life without him.

He lived a long time, did my father. He was 77 years old when he died, and not in the best of health. But even still. Even though we KNEW he was going to pass, the shock of hearing him take his last breath almost broke me. I felt a panic deep inside me like I've never felt before. In that instant I hoped he knew how much I adored him, how much I would miss him, and how I would think of him every day after that.

On the two happiest days of my life - when my daughters were born, I mourned my father as well because I knew my girls would never know him - that he would just be an idea to them, a mystery called "Grandpa Lou."

Today, over 9 years later, I still hear that breath. I can remember that sound with more clarity than his voice. But I celebrate him and his life, too. I'm less sad about his death now, and more thankful that I got so many good years with him. He truly was an outstanding man who would have spoiled my daughters rotten (which would have been lovely to see).

Still to come....because I know you're on the edge of your seat with anticipation:

22. A picture of something you wish you were better at
23. A picture of your favorite book
24. A picture of something you wish you could change
25. A picture of your day
26. A picture of something that means a lot to you
27. A picture of yourself and a family member
28. A picture of something your afraid of
29. A picture that can always make you smile
30. A picture of someone you miss

13 comments:

  1. make me cry already...geeezzzz

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  2. ((hugs too)) I remember, like you do, the passing of my father.

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  3. Powerful post, Colleen! I'm trying not to cry, cause I'm at work. I am blessed that my father is still alive and I see him every day. Your post reminds me to be grateful for this. Maybe I'll give him an extra hug and kiss tonight. I hope the memory of hearing your father's last breath becomes less painful for you.

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  4. Thanks for following me! I am excited to read your blog. =)

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  5. This is my first visit to your blog. I was struck by this because my dad died in his early 50s, when I was engaged to be married. It has always made me sad not to see him as a grandfather to my kids.

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  6. Thanks for following me! I am excited to read your blog. =)

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  7. Powerful post, Colleen! I'm trying not to cry, cause I'm at work. I am blessed that my father is still alive and I see him every day. Your post reminds me to be grateful for this. Maybe I'll give him an extra hug and kiss tonight. I hope the memory of hearing your father's last breath becomes less painful for you.

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