Saturday, July 2, 2011

My Love / Hate Relationship With Chocolate

Yesterday I ate a nominal amount of chocolate.  I didn't binge, I was in control and I tracked it.  Should have been scored in the "win" column, right?  Well...yes and now.  I discovered something.

Since being mindful of what I'm eating, I haven't really eaten much chocolate.  Holidays like Easter have put a damper on that statement, but by and large I've stayed away from it because chocolate is the type of thing that if I start eating it, even in a controlled manner, I won't stop.  So in order to save myself the trouble and heartache, I just stay away from it.

But yesterday we made chocolate covered frozen bananas, and I ate one.  It was tasty (except, ironically, for the "banana" part of it) and overall I was pleased with the planning and execution of such a treat. 

Until afterward.

After, I felt bloated despite the fact that I hadn't overeaten at all through the day.  I wanted MORE chocolate, despite the fact I felt like crap.  I didn't eat it but instead payed attention to how I was feeling.  I felt fat and bloated and hopeless.  I felt like if I stepped on the scale it would read "262" again.  Within several hours the feeling passed and I was feeling more like myself again but the message was clear.....chocolate is just chocolate and the fact is that eating it makes me feel like crap.  It's not something I even remotely have the desire to eat now.  And that's not such a bad thing.

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