What can I accomplish in 16 weeks? What can YOU?

There are 16 weeks left until our cruise to the Bahamas.  Some time ago, I blogged about vacation planning and outlined some of my fitness goals for that vacation.

The trip is booked and I've been thinking for some time now about how it is going to be perceived.  Along with a few Twitter friends, the 16 Week challenge was born.  (It's called the SBRChallenge (for Super Bitchin' Rockstar Challenge - if you want to join in just follow me on Twitter @AdiosFatGirl and use the #SBRChallenge hashtag).  There are a few of us in it with varying amounts of weight we'd like to lose by the target date.  Mine happens to be 37 because that would mean that I'll be in under 200 for the first time in a really long time.  And the reason I'd like to reach that goal is (as outlined in my original vacation planning post: 

I want to walk on the beach in a swimsuit and not feel like everyone's saying, "Holy shit, look at that fattie." I want to swim with my children in the ocean free of shame. I want to not hinder their experiences because of my weight.

And dammit, I'm going to reach that goal.

In an effort to do so, I'm thinking about making my food journal public.  I'd hesitated doing this for a host of reasons but I think it'll really help me feel motivated.  We'll see how long I stick with it.  If I feel it's helping, I'll stick with it.  I may not post daily but I WILL post.  I always love reading people's daily food intake (it gives me cooking ideas!) and perhaps the fact that I'll have to FLOG (food log) about it means I most likely won't get naughty! HA! 

"Mommy, someone at school said I was fat."

I had children later than many women do.  When my oldest daughter was born, I was 29.  My husband and I had been married for nearly six years and before getting pregnant with her, we had tried for a LONG time.  When Lilly came into our lives she filled us with such light and love.  We were so completely amazed that we had a part in creating such a miracle. And then, nearly four years later when Lenna joined (and completed) our family, we were again in awe of how blessed we were.  Our girls mean everything to us. 

I have written before about how paranoid I am about passing my food issues to my daughters.  I just can't bear the thought of either of them going through the humiliation that I did in school, or feeling the social awkwardness that often comes with being overweight.  I'm afraid to have them on the outside looking in at life like I was for many years.

Lilly, who is just in Kindergarten, came to me and said, "Mommy, someone at school said I was fat."  In that one instant, when she was looking to me for guidance, I froze.  I thought - how the hell can this be starting?

You must understand, neither of my girls are even a little overweight.  Both are near the 50th percentile for weight in their age groups, which means they are "average."  Lilly is an extremely active girl (as is Lenna - what two year old isn't?).  There is nothing about Lilly that is fat.

So, I sat with her.  I explained what "overweight/fat" means.  I finally addressed my weight loss journey with her.  I told her how I had gotten this way and what I was doing to address the  problem.  I also explained to her (come to find out, the child who said this to her is a much smaller first grader) that sometimes people just say things to be mean because they are scared or feel insecure about themselves.  Sometimes, though it really stinks, people are just mean.  She is a very perceptive child, and she understands much more than a typical 6 year old child does.  She told me she's proud of me.  God, I love those girls.

End of March Wrap Up Party! / Goals for April

At the beginning of March I set some goals for myself and my weight loss journey. I'm going to examine them today and establish some goals for April.

 March Goals

I am starting the month weighing in at 244.4.  I would like to end it at at least 235.

I think that with my weigh-in tomorrow, I'll be really close, within a couple of pounds.  But I haven't quite made it.  Is this a win or a loss?  I saw it's a toss up, really. On one hand, I didn't make the actual goal, so - loss.  On the other hand, I have been losing well (despite having a 2 pound gain one week), so that's a win.

I will try two new healthy recipes this month.
I did try some EXCELLENT stuffed mushrooms this month that were awesome.  We love to have "snack night" meals and these are a perfect addition.  They're delicious and very calorie friendly, so I can have one or two of the more decadent things and several of the stuffed mushrooms and still feel satisfied and like I participated in "Snack Night."

The other thing I tried (though it's not my recipe) was a Tall Cinnamon Dolce Light Frappuccino at Starbucks.  It's a little slice of heaven and only 3 WW PointsPlus (120 calories).  It. Is. Exquisite.





I will get to the gym 3 days per week.  If I have to skip a day due to an unforeseen circumstance, I will make up the "appointment" and go another day.
I am proud to say I have done this every day and have added in 2 days of yoga at home.

While I am at the gym I will utilize every minute to my advantage.
I can 100% say that I have done this.

I will take time, each day, to set a healthy example for my daughters.  It could me something as simple as reminding them I love them the way they are to having them help me prepare a healthy meal for our family.
This is becoming second nature and it's a really nice thing.

I will drink at least 64 ounces of water per day
I have done this!  Not only that but since starting the #100daychipquest, I have drank 120 oz of water each day for the past 12 days.

Goals For April

1. Goal weight for the end of April: 229
2. Drink 120 oz of water daily
3. 5 workouts per week, no excuses
4. Blog 6 times per week
5. Try 2 more healthy recipes this month (I love cooking new things!)
6. Log 50 miles at the gym this month with a combination of elliptical, treadmill, and bike

What are your goals for April?

Growing Up Fat

I wasn't always this big, obviously. My family didn't always have the healthiest attitude toward food. There is photographic evidence (somewhere) that as a child of about 5, I actually had skinny (?!?) knees. I was the little girl with long blond hair, usually put up in braids, with skinny little knees.

For as much as I can tell, my weight must have started rising somewhere in the neighborhood of first grade...at least that's when I became conscious of it. And then there is the episode in 5th grade where, when standing in line to go to somewhere other than our classroom, Todd Allen started teasing me that I was "as big as a whale" and the girl behind me was "as small as a snail." A stupid comment by a kid who just wanted to make someone else feel horrible about themselves and it worked. I rarely went out on the playground the rest of that year, in fear that I'd get teased more. That is the year that I started keeping to myself more. The year I started pretending that being teased didn't bother me.

And honestly, looking back at photos of myself, I was probably bigger for my age, but I wasn't an obese child or anything. I am not blaming my parents in any way, but I never once remember limits being put on food as a child. I don't remember them telling me I couldn't have candy any time I wanted it or that I should slow down on desserts. My father was the "Grease King" and LOVED cooking with bacon great (not just cooking with it - but sopping it up with bread for a snack).

When I was little, my mother was mildly overweight, but my father never was. My husband isn't even a little over weight and my daughters are too young to really understand "fat." They just love me for who I am. They're not old enough to be embarrassed by me yet. It's important to me to be a good example to my daughters. I don't want them to ever have the fears and lack of self-confidence that I've had.

So really, yeah - this journey is for me. But in a big way it's for them too.

A Single Step, Right?

You know, "they" (whoever "they" are) say that a journey begins with but a single step, right? Well, this is my single step. I am SICK and TIRED of being a fat girl. I'm sick of being described as
"that funny heavyset girl with glasses." And you know, the people describing me that way are right.

So here I am. I am letting it all hang out as it were. I am making a commitment to be healthier. Drink more water, eat less, exercise more and all that crap. Single step, my ass. Feels more like a giant leap, but that's ok. Maybe some jumping is in order.

Thanks for joining me, if anyone's going to read this. If not, that's ok too. This is the time. This is MY time.