I used to be a smoker. For many many years I'd light up and tell myself I was going to quit after this pack. After this one cigarette. Just one more. Just one more. And guess what? I'd quit for a while. Then I'd think that I could handle just smoking one and I'd be hog-nuts on the smoking wagon again.
And even now after many many years of being smoke-free, I know in my heart it would only take one cigarette to make me want to smoke full-time again, no matter how much the habit can disgust me. I know myself enough to know that I'm not the kind of person that can have "just a little bit" and be ok.
With me, it's the same way with eating like crap. It takes "just a little bit" for me to spiral out of control and just not care about what I'm eating. So I have to be careful. I'm not saying I will never ever have cheesecake again. I'm not saying I'll never ever have pizza again, and I'm not saying I'll never ever have potato salad again. I just know that I can't have them RIGHT NOW.
I'm happy to say that I'm well into my second day of trying to refocus. I've had two great workouts, my water is spot on and I'm making healthy choices. But I have to be careful. The first several weeks it's really important for me to be careful and be mindful of what I'm doing. My pal Mary from A Small Loss said it wonderfully.....think about WHY you're eating what you're eating. Not just the what, but the why. I'm trying very hard to do that and keep mindful of what's going in my mouth as well as why I'm putting it there.
I'm taking this one day at a time. It's what I've got to do.
How are you all doing?
Tuesday, March 20, 2012
Wednesday, March 14, 2012
Addiction and Weight Loss (and please help!)
It's been a full month since I posted. I'm sure you know, weight-loss wise, what that means for me. When I'm posting here consistently, I'm pretty much doing well. When I hide my head, well.....I avoid all of you like the plague (nothing personal).
My life is in order. My kids are really outstanding. My husband is supportive and loving and kind and all the things I love in other humans. My depression is (mostly) at bay. I started a new business venture as a Thirty-One Gifts consultant (cheap plug: Go check out my site, and book a party! You know you want to! www.mythirtyone.com/31Colleen ). But the one thing I'm failing at? Weight loss. So since this is my weight loss blog, I pretend it's not here when I'm not doing what I should to get healthy.
Sometimes I watch "Intervention" on Netflix streaming. I can't help but love reality shows. I'm a voyeur and can't really help it. I try not to judge people but I do find myself saying, "How can those folks choose drugs over their kids? How can they choose the bottle over their children? I would never do that."
But this, folks, is a bold-faced lie. I DO have an addiction. I'm addicted to food. Many people think it's easy to just "eat less, move more." It is as incredibly easy and frightfully as hard as that, it's true. But for me and people like me, it's so much deeper.
I don't know why food is my drug of choice. I don't know why I binge yet. I don't know why I often say, "Screw it" when I try and get on the wagon and go back to eating the way I always have. I have proven to myself I can be successful yet I don't do what it takes to sustain that. I know HOW to do it. I just DON'T. And the fact is that it is in the best interest of my children to stop doing what I'm doing. Of course it is. But I haven't yet.
I know that getting back in that positive healthy frame of mind is something that's vital for me to get where I want to be (which isn't even a number on the scale - but a feeling of peace of mind and comfort). So I will take small steps to get back there.
And I won't ignore you people anymore. Or at least I'll try not to. And if I do? Call my ass out in the following ways:
On Twitter: @AdiosFatGirl
By Email: goodbyefatgirl@gmail.com
By commenting HERE! (I receive all your comments as emails)
I'll help ya'll if you help me.
My life is in order. My kids are really outstanding. My husband is supportive and loving and kind and all the things I love in other humans. My depression is (mostly) at bay. I started a new business venture as a Thirty-One Gifts consultant (cheap plug: Go check out my site, and book a party! You know you want to! www.mythirtyone.com/31Colleen ). But the one thing I'm failing at? Weight loss. So since this is my weight loss blog, I pretend it's not here when I'm not doing what I should to get healthy.
Sometimes I watch "Intervention" on Netflix streaming. I can't help but love reality shows. I'm a voyeur and can't really help it. I try not to judge people but I do find myself saying, "How can those folks choose drugs over their kids? How can they choose the bottle over their children? I would never do that."
But this, folks, is a bold-faced lie. I DO have an addiction. I'm addicted to food. Many people think it's easy to just "eat less, move more." It is as incredibly easy and frightfully as hard as that, it's true. But for me and people like me, it's so much deeper.
I don't know why food is my drug of choice. I don't know why I binge yet. I don't know why I often say, "Screw it" when I try and get on the wagon and go back to eating the way I always have. I have proven to myself I can be successful yet I don't do what it takes to sustain that. I know HOW to do it. I just DON'T. And the fact is that it is in the best interest of my children to stop doing what I'm doing. Of course it is. But I haven't yet.
I know that getting back in that positive healthy frame of mind is something that's vital for me to get where I want to be (which isn't even a number on the scale - but a feeling of peace of mind and comfort). So I will take small steps to get back there.
And I won't ignore you people anymore. Or at least I'll try not to. And if I do? Call my ass out in the following ways:
On Twitter: @AdiosFatGirl
By Email: goodbyefatgirl@gmail.com
By commenting HERE! (I receive all your comments as emails)
I'll help ya'll if you help me.
Tuesday, February 14, 2012
When I Track, I Am Successful
Just ask my husband, I'm a pretty stubborn person sometimes. I'm not so good at reading directions (which is the reason why he reads the instructions to board games and then teaches me) and I often think I know what I'm doing when I don't really. In short, I overestimate my abilities.
The same can be said for weight loss. I can't count the number of times I've had a Rockstar Week where I've tracked everything, planned things, drank all my water and then some, had killer workouts, and felt like I was on top of the world - only to think that the following week that I'm Super Woman (again) and just do "whatever."
I've proven to myself time and time again that tracking and water consumption are two very big keys to success in the realm of weight loss for me. The weeks I have at least those two things on task, I demolish the week and smile lovingly at the scale when it's time for weigh in. On the weeks I don't, I consider putting the scale in the trash.
When I track what I'm eating I'm (sometimes painfully) aware what I'm putting into my body. It's good to be aware like that. When I put everything in myfitnesspal.com I am forced to see the nutritious merit of the food choices I'm making, which is a good thing. I asked my brother how he felt about tracking vs. not tracking food when it comes to weight loss. He said, "When I don't track I tend to eat whatever I want, without regard to portion size or servings . When I track, I makes me aware all the time." I find the same to be true for me....
My first outstanding week on MyFitnessPal yielded me a 4.4 pound loss. Last week? I half-assed tracking and water and made less-than-stellar choices. The result was a gain of 0.6 pounds. Not a huge gain but a gain is a tally in the direction I'm not wanting to go.
So I'm back to tracking. I may fall flat on my face a million times. But I swear I'll get back up a million and one times.
The same can be said for weight loss. I can't count the number of times I've had a Rockstar Week where I've tracked everything, planned things, drank all my water and then some, had killer workouts, and felt like I was on top of the world - only to think that the following week that I'm Super Woman (again) and just do "whatever."
I've proven to myself time and time again that tracking and water consumption are two very big keys to success in the realm of weight loss for me. The weeks I have at least those two things on task, I demolish the week and smile lovingly at the scale when it's time for weigh in. On the weeks I don't, I consider putting the scale in the trash.
When I track what I'm eating I'm (sometimes painfully) aware what I'm putting into my body. It's good to be aware like that. When I put everything in myfitnesspal.com I am forced to see the nutritious merit of the food choices I'm making, which is a good thing. I asked my brother how he felt about tracking vs. not tracking food when it comes to weight loss. He said, "When I don't track I tend to eat whatever I want, without regard to portion size or servings . When I track, I makes me aware all the time." I find the same to be true for me....
My first outstanding week on MyFitnessPal yielded me a 4.4 pound loss. Last week? I half-assed tracking and water and made less-than-stellar choices. The result was a gain of 0.6 pounds. Not a huge gain but a gain is a tally in the direction I'm not wanting to go.
So I'm back to tracking. I may fall flat on my face a million times. But I swear I'll get back up a million and one times.
Thursday, February 2, 2012
And You May Ask Yourself....How's She Doing?
She's doing great! Last week I updated you on my 64 ounces of water goal and what I wanted to do this week. My goal for the week was to get in 80 ounces of water each day and to workout at least three times this week.
The water's going good. I'm averaging 80 - 100 ounces per day. I have worked out already 4 times this week - twice at the gym and twice at home, and I'm heading back to the gym tomorrow morning. But that's not all, folks. I have tracked everything using MyFitnessPal.com and it's been seemingly effortless. It's been fantastic. If you use that site, please add me! I'm AdiosFatGirl there!
I don't know if it's because of the fresh start or my fresh eyes, but I am truly feeling fantastic and am truly happy with my efforts.
How are you all doing with your goals? Let me know!
The water's going good. I'm averaging 80 - 100 ounces per day. I have worked out already 4 times this week - twice at the gym and twice at home, and I'm heading back to the gym tomorrow morning. But that's not all, folks. I have tracked everything using MyFitnessPal.com and it's been seemingly effortless. It's been fantastic. If you use that site, please add me! I'm AdiosFatGirl there!
I don't know if it's because of the fresh start or my fresh eyes, but I am truly feeling fantastic and am truly happy with my efforts.
How are you all doing with your goals? Let me know!
Tuesday, January 31, 2012
Dear Weight Watchers: It's Not You, It's Me....
Dear Weight Watchers,
I think it's time we saw other people.
When we started our relationship years and years ago, I was childless and had many hours a week to devote to weight loss. I lost a good 50 pounds with you before I got cocky and thought I could do it all on my own.
Because I hadn't delved into the WHY of my obesity, I gained it all back. I had only been concentrating on the "HOW" of losing weight. This time around, Weight Watchers, I have sung your praises - even with just being on the online program. You and I lost another 30ish pounds together. And I love you, I truly do. You will never hear me bad mouth you to anyone. The simple fact is that you work. You really do. You are a good plan that is easy to follow and that the masses can easily understand, which is a truly WONDERFUL and incredibly accessible thing to be.
Look, I'm sure you've sensed some distance between us in the past several months. I thought I was going crazy there for a while and discovered that depression was my problem. I put weight loss on hold for the better part of two months. 9 pounds (maybe more) were gained back during that time. I've been thinking about you, of course. And I've tried to get close to you again in the past several weeks. You know I have.
But there's someone else.
The past few days I have been slowly falling in love with myfitnesspal.com. It's a lovely site with a lot of bells and whistles that it didn't have the last time I tried to use it. It's got the tracking I need, a less clunky mobile app, and rather than just track points in and out, it also tells me more about the NUTRITION of the things I'm eating. I like that. I know that you have a superstar group of nutritionists and scientists and chemists and what-not formulating your lovely plan. That's why I trusted you in the first place.
I love that you are adored by millions, and I'm not saying this breakup is going to be permanent. But it's time I realize that I have to do what's working for me now. And right now, rather than the "big picture" that PointsPlus was providing me with, I need to delve into the details a little more.
Because you're so fantastic, I know you'll understand. And I know you'd welcome me back with open arms if I would choose to buddy up with you again. For right now, I think I'm going the calorie counting route.
I appreciate your understanding, Weight Watchers. And thank you so much for all you've done for me. Now go out there and do what you do best - help millions of people lose weight.
Sincerely,
Colleen
I think it's time we saw other people.
When we started our relationship years and years ago, I was childless and had many hours a week to devote to weight loss. I lost a good 50 pounds with you before I got cocky and thought I could do it all on my own.
Because I hadn't delved into the WHY of my obesity, I gained it all back. I had only been concentrating on the "HOW" of losing weight. This time around, Weight Watchers, I have sung your praises - even with just being on the online program. You and I lost another 30ish pounds together. And I love you, I truly do. You will never hear me bad mouth you to anyone. The simple fact is that you work. You really do. You are a good plan that is easy to follow and that the masses can easily understand, which is a truly WONDERFUL and incredibly accessible thing to be.
Look, I'm sure you've sensed some distance between us in the past several months. I thought I was going crazy there for a while and discovered that depression was my problem. I put weight loss on hold for the better part of two months. 9 pounds (maybe more) were gained back during that time. I've been thinking about you, of course. And I've tried to get close to you again in the past several weeks. You know I have.
But there's someone else.
The past few days I have been slowly falling in love with myfitnesspal.com. It's a lovely site with a lot of bells and whistles that it didn't have the last time I tried to use it. It's got the tracking I need, a less clunky mobile app, and rather than just track points in and out, it also tells me more about the NUTRITION of the things I'm eating. I like that. I know that you have a superstar group of nutritionists and scientists and chemists and what-not formulating your lovely plan. That's why I trusted you in the first place.
I love that you are adored by millions, and I'm not saying this breakup is going to be permanent. But it's time I realize that I have to do what's working for me now. And right now, rather than the "big picture" that PointsPlus was providing me with, I need to delve into the details a little more.
Because you're so fantastic, I know you'll understand. And I know you'd welcome me back with open arms if I would choose to buddy up with you again. For right now, I think I'm going the calorie counting route.
I appreciate your understanding, Weight Watchers. And thank you so much for all you've done for me. Now go out there and do what you do best - help millions of people lose weight.
Sincerely,
Colleen
Friday, January 27, 2012
Inspiration and THE BEST COMMENT EVER
I rarely think of myself as an inspiration, especially when it comes to weight loss. My struggles have been well documented here, as well as my feelings of failure and inadequacy when it comes to this topic. And just when I start thinking, "Maybe I should give up blogging all together and quit making this so freaking public" I get a comment somewhere that makes me rethink all that.
I posted yesterday about how I'm doing with my own personal water challenge and what step I want to take next back on the road to my goals. And while I may not be matching the superstar water intake of some, I'm doing what's best for me right now. I know myself better than to think if I say, "I better drink a gazillion ounces of water every day or I will fail" that I will, indeed fail.
On my personal Facebook page, I got a lovely comment from a dear friend who I have never even met. She is married to an old college friend and I just know that judging by how much love and light she has brought into his world that she is an amazing person indeed. Her comment was a surprise to me, as I often think that maybe this blog isn't read by a lot of people I "know." Her comment went like this:
I don't know what to say other than....WOW. I am just in awe of this woman who is doing what it takes to get where she's going and that she thinks *I'M* an inspiration. It brought tears to my eyes. What a wonderful remind that, even if I'm not an "inspiration" in my own head, that people read what I have to say & get off my chest and it helps them.
Time to get my ass going and FEEL like I can inspire others.
And a special, heartfelt thanks to the beautiful lady in upstate NY with the hockey-loving husband and beautiful little girl. YOU, my dear, are the one inspiring ME.
I posted yesterday about how I'm doing with my own personal water challenge and what step I want to take next back on the road to my goals. And while I may not be matching the superstar water intake of some, I'm doing what's best for me right now. I know myself better than to think if I say, "I better drink a gazillion ounces of water every day or I will fail" that I will, indeed fail.
On my personal Facebook page, I got a lovely comment from a dear friend who I have never even met. She is married to an old college friend and I just know that judging by how much love and light she has brought into his world that she is an amazing person indeed. Her comment was a surprise to me, as I often think that maybe this blog isn't read by a lot of people I "know." Her comment went like this:
"Colleen, you are a inspiration to all women who struggle with weight loss/gain... The up & down game of weight. Keep up the great work & try to enjoy the journey along the way ;) I'm currently fighting the same battle as you, gained 92 pounds during my pregnancy ( refused to take any pictures of my self preggo) & have since been dedicated to no longer being the " fat girl" & have in the past 9 months lost 74 pounds ;) I can breath better, look better & wear more than the same 3 outfits on a daily basis ;) you gave me courage & your blog speaks from the heart.... I'm now currently wanting to have another baby but am so scared about the weight gain again ;( I'm growing stronger everyday tho- and just wanted you to know that you are a big reason why! Keep going & all of us at home are routing you on!"
I don't know what to say other than....WOW. I am just in awe of this woman who is doing what it takes to get where she's going and that she thinks *I'M* an inspiration. It brought tears to my eyes. What a wonderful remind that, even if I'm not an "inspiration" in my own head, that people read what I have to say & get off my chest and it helps them.
Time to get my ass going and FEEL like I can inspire others.
And a special, heartfelt thanks to the beautiful lady in upstate NY with the hockey-loving husband and beautiful little girl. YOU, my dear, are the one inspiring ME.
Thursday, January 26, 2012
Update on the 64 Ounces Of Water
I'm happy to say, I've been doing well with getting my daily goal of 64 ounces of water in. These baby steps are going to propel me in a bigger way, I know it.
Starting Monday I'm heading back to the gym. I'm shooting for 3 workouts per week to start, and will continue with my 64 ounces of water goal and may try to up that a bit as well to 80 ounces. My 3 workouts may be all gym, or a combination of gym and home, but they will get done.
I'll update as I can. I'm already starting to feel stronger and that's always a good thing.
How are you all doing out there? Anything I can help with?
Starting Monday I'm heading back to the gym. I'm shooting for 3 workouts per week to start, and will continue with my 64 ounces of water goal and may try to up that a bit as well to 80 ounces. My 3 workouts may be all gym, or a combination of gym and home, but they will get done.
I'll update as I can. I'm already starting to feel stronger and that's always a good thing.
How are you all doing out there? Anything I can help with?
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