Tuesday, March 20, 2012

Just A Little Bit.....

I used to be a smoker.  For many many years I'd light up and tell myself I was going to quit after this pack.  After this one cigarette.  Just one more.  Just one more.  And guess what?  I'd quit for a while.  Then I'd think that I could handle just smoking one and I'd be hog-nuts on the smoking wagon again. 

And even now after many many years of being smoke-free, I know in my heart it would only take one cigarette to make me want to smoke full-time again, no matter how much the habit can disgust me.  I know myself enough to know that I'm not the kind of person that can have "just a little bit" and be ok. 

With me, it's the same way with eating like crap.  It takes "just a little bit" for me to spiral out of control and just not care about what I'm eating.  So I have to be careful.  I'm not saying I will never ever have cheesecake again.  I'm not saying I'll never ever have pizza again, and I'm not saying I'll never ever have potato salad again.  I just know that I can't have them RIGHT NOW. 

I'm happy to say that I'm well into my second day of trying to refocus.  I've had two great workouts, my water is spot on and I'm making healthy choices.  But I have to be careful.  The first several weeks it's really important for me to be careful and be mindful of what I'm doing.  My pal Mary from A Small Loss said it wonderfully.....think about WHY you're eating what you're eating.  Not just the what, but the why.  I'm trying very hard to do that and keep mindful of what's going in my mouth as well as why I'm putting it there.

I'm taking this one day at a time.  It's what I've got to do.

How are you all doing?

Wednesday, March 14, 2012

Addiction and Weight Loss (and please help!)

It's been a full month since I posted.  I'm sure you know, weight-loss wise, what that means for me.  When I'm posting here consistently, I'm pretty much doing well.  When I hide my head, well.....I avoid all of you like the plague (nothing personal).

My life is in order.  My kids are really outstanding.  My husband is supportive and loving and kind and all the things I love in other humans.  My depression is (mostly) at bay.  I started a new business venture as a Thirty-One Gifts consultant (cheap plug:  Go check out my site, and book a party!  You know you want to! www.mythirtyone.com/31Colleen ).  But the one thing I'm failing at?  Weight loss.  So since this is my weight loss blog, I pretend it's not here when I'm not doing what I should to get healthy.

Sometimes I watch "Intervention" on Netflix streaming.  I can't help but love reality shows.  I'm a voyeur and can't really help it.  I try not to judge people but I do find myself saying, "How can those folks choose drugs over their kids?  How can they choose the bottle over their children?  I would never do that."

But this, folks, is a bold-faced lie.  I DO have an addiction.  I'm addicted to food.  Many people think it's easy to just "eat less, move more."  It is as incredibly easy and frightfully as hard as that, it's true.  But for me and people like me, it's so much deeper.

I don't know why food is my drug of choice.  I don't know why I binge yet.  I don't know why I often say, "Screw it" when I try and get on the wagon and go back to eating the way I always have.  I have proven to myself I can be successful yet I don't do what it takes to sustain that. I know HOW to do it.  I just DON'T.  And the fact is that it is in the best interest of my children to stop doing what I'm doing.  Of course it is.  But I haven't yet. 

I know that getting back in that positive healthy frame of mind is something that's vital for me to get where I want to be (which isn't even a number on the scale - but a feeling of peace of mind and comfort).  So I will take small steps to get back there.

And I won't ignore you people anymore.  Or at least I'll try not to.  And if I do?  Call my ass out in the following ways:

On Twitter:  @AdiosFatGirl
By Email: goodbyefatgirl@gmail.com
By commenting HERE! (I receive all your comments as emails)

I'll help ya'll if you help me.
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