Dear Weight Watchers: It's Not You, It's Me....

Dear Weight Watchers,

I think it's time we saw other people.

When we started our relationship years and years ago, I was childless and had many hours a week to devote to weight loss.  I lost a good 50 pounds with you before I got cocky and thought I could do it all on my own. 

Because I hadn't delved into the WHY of my obesity, I gained it all back.  I had only been concentrating on the "HOW" of losing weight.  This time around, Weight Watchers, I have sung your praises - even with just being on the online program.  You and I lost another 30ish pounds together.  And I love you, I truly do.  You will never hear me bad mouth you to anyone.  The simple fact is that you work.  You really do.  You are a good plan that is easy to follow and that the masses can easily understand, which is a truly WONDERFUL and incredibly accessible thing to be. 

Look, I'm sure you've sensed some distance between us in the past several months.  I thought I was going crazy there for a while and discovered that depression was my problem.  I put weight loss on hold for the better part of two months.  9 pounds (maybe more) were gained back during that time.  I've been thinking about you, of course.  And I've tried to get close to you again in the past several weeks.  You know I have. 

But there's someone else.

The past few days I have been slowly falling in love with myfitnesspal.com.  It's a lovely site with a lot of bells and whistles that it didn't have the last time I tried to use it.  It's got the tracking I need, a less clunky mobile app, and rather than just track points in and out, it also tells me more about the NUTRITION of the things I'm eating.  I like that.  I know that you have a superstar group of nutritionists and scientists and chemists and what-not formulating your lovely plan.  That's why I trusted you in the first place.

I love that you are adored by millions, and I'm not saying this breakup is going to be permanent.  But it's time I realize that I have to do what's working for me now.  And right now, rather than the "big picture" that PointsPlus was providing me with, I need to delve into the details a little more. 

Because you're so fantastic, I know you'll understand.  And I know you'd welcome me back with open arms if I would choose to buddy up with you again.  For right now, I think I'm going the calorie counting route.

I appreciate your understanding, Weight Watchers.  And thank you so much for all you've done for me. Now go out there and do what you do best - help millions of people lose weight. 

Sincerely,
Colleen

Inspiration and THE BEST COMMENT EVER

I rarely think of myself as an inspiration, especially when it comes to weight loss.  My struggles have been well documented here, as well as my feelings of failure and inadequacy when it comes to this topic.  And just when I start thinking, "Maybe I should give up blogging all together and quit making this so freaking public" I get a comment somewhere that makes me rethink all that.

I posted yesterday about how I'm doing with my own personal water challenge and what step I want to take next back on the road to my goals.  And while I may not be matching the superstar water intake of some, I'm doing what's best for me right now.  I know myself better than to think if I say, "I better drink a gazillion ounces of water every day or I will fail" that I will, indeed fail. 

On my personal Facebook page, I got a lovely comment from a dear friend who I have never even met.  She is married to an old college friend and I just know that judging by how much love and light she has brought into his world that she is an amazing person indeed.  Her comment was a surprise to me, as I often think that maybe this blog isn't read by a lot of people I "know."  Her comment went like this:

"Colleen, you are a inspiration to all women who struggle with weight loss/gain... The up & down game of weight. Keep up the great work & try to enjoy the journey along the way ;) I'm currently fighting the same battle as you, gained 92 pounds during my pregnancy ( refused to take any pictures of my self preggo) & have since been dedicated to no longer being the " fat girl" & have in the past 9 months lost 74 pounds ;) I can breath better, look better & wear more than the same 3 outfits on a daily basis ;) you gave me courage & your blog speaks from the heart.... I'm now currently wanting to have another baby but am so scared about the weight gain again ;( I'm growing stronger everyday tho- and just wanted you to know that you are a big reason why! Keep going & all of us at home are routing you on!"

I don't know what to say other than....WOW.  I am just in awe of this woman who is doing what it takes to get where she's going and that she thinks *I'M* an inspiration.  It brought tears to my eyes.  What a wonderful remind that, even if I'm not an "inspiration" in my own head, that people read what I have to say & get off my chest and it helps them.   


Time to get my ass going and FEEL like I can inspire others.


And a special, heartfelt thanks to the beautiful lady in upstate NY with the hockey-loving husband and beautiful little girl.  YOU, my dear, are the one inspiring ME.

Update on the 64 Ounces Of Water

I'm happy to say, I've been doing well with getting my daily goal of 64 ounces of water in.  These baby steps are going to propel me in a bigger way, I know it.

Starting Monday I'm heading back to the gym.  I'm shooting for 3 workouts per week to start, and will continue with my 64 ounces of water goal and may try to up that a bit as well to 80 ounces.  My 3 workouts may be all gym, or a combination of gym and home, but they will get done. 

I'll update as I can.  I'm already starting to feel stronger and that's always a good thing.

How are you all doing out there?  Anything I can help with?

64 Ounces of Water

It's no secret that I've not been in a healthy frame of mind for quite some time.  I've been thinking about that.  As I was crocheting and having coffee with one of my dearest friends today, she told me, "You were Super Woman there for a while."  That struck a chord in me.

For a while, I *WAS* Super Woman at weight loss.  I was rockin' the crap out of this thing.  But many other areas of my life went neglected.  I was working out like crazy, but my home suffered.  I ended up being slapped in the face with a bout of depression I didn't know how to deal with and had to be treated for.  I was Super Woman at one thing, but at the expense of other things. 

And then finally, I started falling apart.

I don't need to be Super Woman at anything.  I need to be "Pretty Damn Good Woman" at many things, and I feel I'm capable of doing that. 

I'm getting back in a healthy frame of mind.  I'm trying to at least.  For the rest of this week and beyond my focus is one small thing.  64 ounces of water each day, that's all.

That's my focus.  If I drink more, that's fabulous.  If I get my 5 servings of fruits and vegetables, fantastic!  But the water is my focus.  Once I get that down, I'll move on to my next baby step.  Anyone have any suggestions?

As always, I'm so thankful for the support you guys give me.  Let's drink some damn water!!

................And She's Back!

I'm back.

I'm ready.

I'm going to have an incredible year.

Essentially, I took most of the month of December "off."  I have read over and over how taking time off from your weight loss journey makes you weak, it will derail you, and you won't be able to capture your mojo again.  You know what I say about that?  Watch me.

I began the month of December in an awful state.  Tears and binges...that can sum it up pretty much.  But I went to my doctor and he helped.  But honestly, I was so far off the "game" that I knew I wasn't ready to get back to it.

So I didn't.

I still went to the gym semi-regularly.  But I didn't track and my eating sure as hell wasn't on plan.  But you know what?  That's the past.  In essesence, I gained 7.2 pounds in the month of December.  I'll have to do some work to get that off and the rest of the weight I want gone but that doesn't intimidate me.

I'm in a better place, mentally.  I'm more even now.  I don't feel full of dispair and helplessness.  I feel much stronger.  I feel ready to tackle this and every other aspect of my life.  I don't feel like I'm putting on a mask for the rest of the world looks like what they want to see.  That twinkle in my eye?  It's back.  My motivation?  It's back. 

Join me!  Do at least one thing today that will get you closer to your long term goal.  Today I worked out so far and plan to track my food intake.  Let's take the steps we need to to get back to where we want to be!