Wednesday, September 22, 2010

Thank Goodness for Sisters-In-Law

I was sort of complaining on my brother's Facebook page - Journey To Fitness (check it out!) about how I'd lost my mojo, blah blah blah.

Well, while being kind yet firm, my sister in law Virginia basically told me - excuses.....get your ass back to the gym and get back on your plan.

She's totally right. What's stopping me? Me. Get the hell out of my own way, me. I'm coming through!

Great workout this morning. Arms are sore and that's a great thing!

Tuesday, September 21, 2010

The Little Moments

I came to a realization yesterday. I'm really good at "big-picturing" things. I can SEE myself thinner and healthy. I can almost FEEL what it'd be like to be a smaller size, able to do more with my children. However, I don't think "big picture" is the way to approach this weight loss. I've done that before and look how successful I was! Not very.

I think weight is lost / fitness is achieved not in the big picture but in the little moments that GET you to the big picture. That moment where you CHOOSE to get your fat ass up out of bed and go to the gym instead of sleeping in. That moment where you CHOOSE not to have an extra portion, even if nobody's looking. That moment where you CHOOSE to drink water instead of something else. That moment where you CHOOSE to eat healthy meals for your week and not a bunch of crap.

What I need to do is be a collector of little moments. Because those little moment are going to add up to the BIG moment when I reach my goal.

Sunday, September 12, 2010

Hello, New Week!

Tomorrow begins a new work week. It's also the week my firstborn turns 6. I vow right now - I will NOT use this as an excuse to binge on anything I want to have (despite the fact that she requested I make my homemade pasta alfredo for her birthday dinner). I will have the CORRECT portions.

I will celebrate with family instead of using the celebration as an accepted form of binging. Yes, there will be cake (made by yours truly). Yes, there will be ice cream (courtesy of the Schwann's man), and yes there will be pizza (straight from Pizza Hut). But so what? A whole plateful of that stuff will make me feel like crap and make me hate myself for days.

Nothing's going to change unless I change it.

The Spark

How do I get the spark back? I feel like I've lost my motivation. Working out is something I can do.....eating right can be difficult for me. I know - I should just stop eating junk. JUST F-ING STOP IT. I don't know why I don't. I'm not going to say I "can't" because I know I "can." But I don't, and I want to understand why. I wish I had a workout buddy or someone I knew here locally who was trying to lose weight that I could buddy up with, to keep each other accountable.

Tuesday, September 7, 2010

Deal with it

I have had a really tough few weeks, eating / exercising aside. Emotionally I have felt "vacant," if that makes sense. I withstood a very traumatic event which I really don't want to get into details about, but will say it wasn't an act of violence and doesn't have anything to do with something being "done" to me. I have been very thankful for the help, understanding, and ever sensitive ear of my husband. If I hadn't had him these past few weeks I just really don't know what kind of emotional mess I would be. Sorry to be so vague here, but it was a very personal thing and I don't know that I'm ready to talk about it with anyone.

So the "event" aside, I still had to be together for my kids, who know nothing of what happened and probably never will unless they are much much older. I am happy to say, however, this past weekend has helped to pull me out of the fog I had been living in. Time with my three favorite people in the world started mending my broken heart and now it's time to get my health back on track too.

I don't know that it ever feels "good" to eat your way out of depression. And I don't know that I've ever truly, honestly been "comforted" by food at all. So what the hell do I eat non-sensically (I know - not a word) for when I'm feeling down? Seriously I can be halfway through a pop-tart before I realize I'm even eating it and identify that I'm not really hungry.

I feel like I'm coming to the conclusion that I'm just sort of f-ed up mentally.

But anyway. Back on the elliptical and/or treadmill tomorrow!
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