Thursday, October 28, 2010

Day One on

I've got to tell you, this site is so user-friendly I just might stick with it. I don't know how it's going to be when I try to calculate calories, etc from one of my "famous" made up recipes, but we'll see. There's a recipe builder and I may use it. I do like the idea of knowing how many calories I'm consuming but I don't want to turn into a calorie Nazi!

I've tried sites like these in the past and they were so hard to figure out I wouldn't ever stick with them. We'll see how this one goes....

Calorie Tracking

So how many of you track your calories consumed. I've never been a calorie counter and hate the idea of it (though I know it works and will keep me accountable). So, I tried which has a calorie counter and all you have to do is put your food journal in. Since I'm home all day w/ daycare I have been keeping it open in my browser and adding to it as I need to. It's really easy and gives you a target calorie count based on your weight, activity level, and your weight loss goals. So far, so good. I like that it tells me how many calories I have left for the day and I don't have to do any math, because that would not be pretty. I'll keep ya'll updated.

Tuesday, October 26, 2010

It's Tuesday Somewhere

Today was an "eh" kind of day. Here's my Flog:

Breakfast - Granola bar, coffee, water
Snack - none
Lunch - 2 slices pizza, some carrots, 1/2 peach, water
Snack - pretzels, a cookie
Dinner - One bowl Cheese Enchilada Chowder (good lord I love my crockpot), tortilla chips, water

A few things I've noticed about today:

I really need to eat a better breakfast. Coffee and a granola bar just ain't going to cut it anymore. On the days that this has been my breakfast of choice, I've not really stayed the course like I'd planned. On the days I have a bowl of cereal, it sustains me more to get through the morning and on to lunch. Mental note made!

It's really easy to get into a negative mindset. I ate that cookie at some point in the afternoon and thought, "What the holy F, Colleen. Going back to the old ways again?" Which is a resounding NO. I'm not. But (mental note time) making myself feel like a criminal for eating one cookie isn't good either. This is a life I'm living, this is an entire lifestyle I'm changing. Am I going to give up cookies forever? Nope. One every now and again isn't going to kill me, and it will probably be better off for me in the long run, because I know that feeling of feeling deprived of something.....then you won't rest until you have it. And another, and another, and another.

As an aside, I ordered the Shakeology 3 Day Cleanse package from my brother, Lou, who is an Independent Beachbody Coach. (They're the folks who developed P90X, Slim in 6, among other workout systems). He's lost a good deal of weight himself using Shakeology and diligent workouts. I am excited to try out the 3 day cleanse and rid my body of some toxins that have been residing in it for FAR too long. You can visit Lou's blog here: Journey To Fitness - it's a good one and very informative. You can also follow him on Facebook through the link on his blog.

Until tomorrow, ya'll! I'm heading to the gym in the morning!

Monday, October 25, 2010

FLOGS work!

Hey ya'll. So did I tell you that I designated Monday as my weigh-in day? Well I did. I officially weigh 3.6 pounds less than last week, which is pretty effin nice if you ask me. Keeping my flog really worked to help keep accountable (so did sharing it here). That being said, this week's plan is much the same as last week's but I'm adding more activity to the mix. I want a total loss of 30 lbs by the end of the year. Lofty goal, I know. But I'm 5 lbs closer already.

I can do this!
Oh yeah, here's today's flog (with the understanding that Monday is my somewhat more "lax" day).

Breakfast: granola bar, water
Snack: none
Lunch: bowl of chili with crackers and 1/4 cheddar cheese, 2 Halloween cookies
Snack: none
Dinner: 3 "Hash Tacos" made with - crunchy taco shell, refried beans, potato hash (made with potatoes, soy sausage, corn, onion), lettuce, shredded cheese, taco sauce) - DELICIOUS
dessert - 2 more of those damn halloween cookies, 8 oz milk.

I drank a ton of water today. And yes, I indulged in the Halloween cookies.

Saturday, October 23, 2010

Big Bad Scary Weekend

Well, weight-loss wise I was kind of scared what Saturday would bring. Or, rather, how I would react to less structure to my day and therefore less structure to my eating habits. Today we were away from the house for the day on a Pumpkin Patch adventure and I knew we'd be going out to eat for lunch. There was good and not-so-good, but nothing I would call "bad."

Breakfast: Forgot to eat before we left. Stopped at Starbucks and ordered a venti (who knew that meant TWENTY Freaking Ounces?) white chocolate latte. It was scrumptious but I couldn't even finish half of it. I'm not a copious-amounts-of-coffee drinker. I like about one....MAYBE two cups a day. Aron finished it off for me.
Snack: 0
Lunch: Salad consisting of: lots of lettuce, cucumbers, about 1/4 cup shredded cheese, about 1/4 cup chopped egg, and roughly 3 T of italian dressing. I sprinkled a few sunflower seeds on top. Also: 2 pieces of thin crust pizza w/ pineapple, black olives and mushrooms and a breadstick.
Snack -0
Dinner - homemade vegeatrian chili, crackers
After Dinner - 3 cookies

I guess what I'm feeling "not-so-good" about is that I still feel full. I really don't like that feeling at all. Especially at 10:42 at night.

Tomorrow is baking day at our house. My daughters and I love to bake together and my 6 year old has requested Halloween sugar cookies with frosting. We'll make it all from scratch, and we'll have a blast doing it. My husband and I both have a sweet tooth, but I'm finding it easier (most of the time) to control myself and truly enjoy a treat in moderation. This whole past week I've done well with not over-indulging in treats after the kids went to bed, which in the past has been a forte of ours. He's incredibly supportive.

Will check back in tomorrow!

Friday, October 22, 2010

Friday Flog, Closing day 4 of Operation: Quit Putting A Bunch Of Junk In Your Mouth

So today went great. Well, toward the end of the day I had a little trouble bringing myself back to reality but it really was a good day! Here's my FLOG:

Breakfast: multigrain cheerios, milk
Snack: coffee w/ milk and sugar, 4 tortilla chips
Lunch: 1/4 cup shredded cheese, 1/2 cup corn, 1/4 cup fruit cocktail, water
Snack: granola bar, water, another cup of coffee
Dinner: celery sticks, 2 slices frozen pizza
After dinner (this is where it gets a little ugly): popcorn (maybe 1 1/2 cups?), 1/4 bag cotton candy, 2 nutrigrain bars

Here's where I went wrong after dinner: We took our girls to the last high school football game of the season. We bought popcorn there and I had some with them. On the way out we got a bag of cotton candy. I was shocked to discover that cotton candy has only 100 calories FOR THE WHOLE BAG. So I didn't feel as bad about eating some of that. Then after the girls were asleep and my husband and I had watched the hockey game (and he had subsequently fallen asleep on the couch), I raided the pantry and ate 2 nutrigrain bars.

Not beating myself up here and in days past I would either not stop with the 2 or would have opted for something much more unhealthy than a Nutrigrain bar. But I realized after I ate them that I should have just had a glass of water and called it a night. But hey, I'm learning here!


Thursday, October 21, 2010

Three is a magic number

Day three in the books. Seriously I can't remember the last time I strung 3 days of honestly eating right together. That means no lying about what I ate, no sneaking extra bites of food when I clean up dinner, and no "sampling" from my kids plates when they're done. Sounds like a small thing, but it's a major hurdle for me. I'm a little scared about the weekend, but really have no reason to be. It's just 2 days that don't have as much structure. I still need to have 3 meals and maybe 2 snacks and lots of water. It's do-able. Traditionally weekends are my downfall. Not this time. I'm going to be armed with my food journal (which, really, is just a piece of paper and a pen) and I'm going to write everything down, NO MATTER WHAT!

Today's FLOG 10/21/2010 (mostly, I just love the word "FLOG.")

Breakfast: Nutrigrain bar, water
Snack: Coffee with milk & sugar, water
Lunch: 1/2 sandwich made with - 1 slice nutty oat bread, 2 tsp mayo, lettuce, 1 slice cheese, 1 sandwich size slice bread & butter pickle
Snack: none (more water)
Dinner: 3 stuffed shells w/ red & white sauce, 2 pieces garlic bread, 1/2 cup peas.

Now, I know that the dinner was probably higher in calorie than I need (not tracking those yet). BUT - I knew we were having these for dinner and it's one of my favorite meals ever. So I planned for it and went lighter the rest of the day. I'm kinda proud about that.

Flog for Wednesday Oct. 20, 2010

First, the food:

Breakfast: Multigrain Cheerios with 1/4 banana and milk
Snack: coffee w/ sugar & creamer, water (not technically a snack)
Lunch: 3/4 cup macaroni & cheese, water
Snack: small chewy granola bar, water
Dinner: BLT (actually it was a SBLC - Toasted bread, a little butter, a little mayo, lettuce, soy bacon and cheese; not the healthiest but I had been stingy w/ my food intake for the whole day so I could have it), and a leftover bowl of vegetable soup w/ crackers, water

Overall not a bad day. I did however, have kind of a big dinner, at least it felt that way. And after it was done, I felt FULL. Not just full, but almost like Thanksgiving-Full. So mental note to self: Just because I've been stingy with calories all day doesn't mean I have to eat everything I'd planned for dinner if I feel full. I was borderline miserable.

Otherwise, good day. Still feeling crappy but did get out to the park yesterday with all the kiddos and got some movement in.

Wednesday, October 20, 2010

Mid Day Check In

Not feeling well today (girl trouble) but I can't tell you how good eating right feels. I'm trying the old trick "drink a glass of water when you're hungry" thing which is working great. Not only am I staving off hunger that way, but when I do eat, I am eating less. I'm cataloging inventory for our webstore today while the daycare children and my own daughter nap. It's a big task but fun. Will check in again later tonight with today's food log. Or Flog. Ha!

Tuesday, October 19, 2010

Inspiration from my 6 year old / Daily Food Log

Yesterday something very profound happened to me. Long story short (kind of):

I volunteered in my daughter's Kindergarten class for a few hours yesterday morning. She asked me to come out and play on the playground before I left and I agreed. She has been trying to "master" the monkey bars for quite some time but has really had some fear of doing so...mostly because she's scared to fall (the sight of blood gives her a complete mental breakdown). So, she says, "Mom, can you help me across the monkey bars?" I said, as nicely as I could, "I'm just here to watch today. I know you can do this, I'll give you some pointers." So I proceeded to verbally explain to her what she had to do in order to accomplish her goal. Still, she was too scared, and we went on to something else.

After school, I picked her up and we all went to the park because it was such a nice day. My daughter headed straight for the monkey bars at the park. I was curious to see what she would do. I went over to her and again gave her the verbal cues she needed, all the while telling her, "I believe in you. I know you can do this." And do you know what? I watched through tears as I saw my first-born persevere through her perceived hardship until she ACCOMPLISHED HER GOAL. I can't express the amount of pride in her I had yesterday afternoon. Yes, in the grand scheme of things it was just the monkey bars. But to her it was an almost impossible task that she did ALL BY HERSELF.

It was like I had been hit with a ton of bricks. Isn't this extra hundred pounds I'm carrying around MY monkey bars? My 6 year old and I aren't so different - we're both scared to fail, but we're both learning that the benefits of facing your fears far outweigh (no pun intended) the comfort zone of not even trying.

For the record, she went across the monkey bars so much, she gave herself blisters, which she proudly showed to anyone who would listen to her tale.

And so, I'm going to do my best to share my food journal here daily. Today is the first day in a long time I can really say I was pleased with my ENTIRE day, fitness-wise. I know I need to get my nutrition down, but I didn't overeat today and that is a huge battle for me.

Breakfast: String cheese, 1/2 slice of bread, water
Snack: celery sticks, water, handful of goldfish crackers
Lunch: 1/2 slice of frozen cheese pizza, 1/2 head of lettuce made into a salad w/ 2T dressing, water
Snack: 1 small chewy granola bar, water
Dinner: 2 bowls homemade vegetable soup w/ crackers. (Yes, that's TWO bowls....but the soup was made in the crock pot and contained only vegetables and the 1T of olive oil I used to saute the onion and celery. It was incredible!
Dessert: med. banana

I don't feel deprived. I kept busy all day which is key for me.

Not sure how many of you made it all the way to the end of this post, but if you did, I sincerely thank you!

Sunday, October 17, 2010

Without a plan, I wander aimlessly

So, here's my plan for the week:

Monday: Yoga DVD at home
Tuesday: Torture with Jillian DVD at home
Wednesday: Workout at the gym
Thursday: Torture with Jillian DVD at home
Friday: Torture with Jillian DVD at home
Saturday: Yoga DVD at home

And the big deal I'm trying to stick with this week is a food journal. I have tried and tried to keep one and do AWESOME at it for about 18 hours. Then it's all downhill from there. When I do keep one, I find I'm much more accountable because I don't want to write down a ton of junk in it.

I'm thinking about putting on my Christmas wish list a fancy-ass watch that calculates the number of calories burned. Do any of you have one? If so which would you recommend?

Have a great week everyone!

Friday, October 15, 2010

I love you, Friday!

My muscles are sore today but I kind of like that. Jillian did, indeed, kick my rump yesterday but she and I have another date today while the kiddos nap and my goal is to be better at the workout than yesterday and stop fewer times to catch my breath a little. I just want to be a little better every day. Before I know it, I'll be rockin' the house.

Thing is, I don't want to be "thin" or "skinny." I just want to be healthy. My oldest daughter is in Kindergarten. I never, ever, want her or my youngest daughter to be teased because her mother is fat. Kids are cruel, I know it would eventually happen. I want them to see mommy being healthy and have the desire to be healthy too. I want to be their good example.

Today is a great day! Today is another gift we can choose to either use wisely in our fitness and all other choices or not. Make every moment count because if you don't, aren't you just wasting them?

Thursday, October 14, 2010

I hate you, Jillian Michaels

Ok, that's not true. But I did do what I said I was going to do and I worked out while the kids napped today. I did the 30 Day Shred dvd and it's not a super long workout but it's intense. It was for me anyway. I had forgotten how nice it feels to have your muscles ache.

For real!

Getting Serious

In commenting on a blog today about getting serious about weight loss, I confronted one of my own demons: laziness. I'm going to throw it out there right now - I hate getting up at 5am to go to the gym, regardless of how great it makes me feel. I hate it, I hate it, I hate it. I hate dragging my fat ass out of bed, I hate still being half asleep when I get there, I hate when everyone's cheerful to me at the gym at 5:30am. The time for cheerful to kick in should be about 8am. Not 5:30am. (Hey, just being honest here).

So, is my dislike for the gym at 5:30am what's hindering me from losing weight? Partly, but we all know the real culprit here is food. I love sweets. Any kind, really. There was a time in the not so distant past when my husband and I would have a milkshake .....EVERY SINGLE NIGHT. We've both got the worst sweet-tooth. I love all things sweet, cakey, chocolatey, gooey, caramely, etc. (And yes, I know I just made up several words just then). The thing I have to harness in is not my love of those kinds of food, but my WILLINGNESS TO EAT them every single day. I am always going to love such things, that's just part of who I am. However, they aren't called "treats" for nothing. Once or twice a week with an extra couple of workouts seems reasonable to me. Who says fruit can't cure a sweet-tooth when presented properly?

Anyway, I commented on Shannon's blog (Even A Pig Knows When They've Had Enough) about how I'm going to start incorporating workouts into the MIDDLE of my day. I'm an in-home childcare provider. Naptime comes just after lunchtime and lasts about 1 1/2 - 2 hours. There is aboslutely NO reason I can't fit a workout in during that time period. Yes, it's normally a time when I do cleaning, catch up on paperwork for our online business (see the "Fun Beyond Driven" link above), or other domestic duties - including screwing around on Facebook and watching DVR'd episodes of Hoarders. But In the scheme of a day, 2 hours is a long time. I can do all of that (and then some! HA!).

So that's the plan. I'm going to rock it today.

Tuesday, October 12, 2010

SS Peas

Just an aside: Have you ever snacked on Sugar Snap Peas before, just by themselves? They taste like summer and remind me of my childhood (the good parts like fresh veggies growing in the garden). These are probably my new favorite snack, and my 2 year old has developed a love for them as well!!

Monday, October 11, 2010

4 Reasons Why We Slack Off From Exercise

Check out this fantastic article from Self Magazine:

4 Reasons Why We Slack Off From Exercise

It's really good and hits home - plus tips!

Laura Gets Fit

Laura is somewhat of an inspiration to me. She has lost 125 pounds the right way (eat less, move more) and her story is being featured in the November issue of SHAPE magazine. Please check out her blog and see what you think! I love it!

Take that, Monday Morning!

Went to the gym (at 5:30am!!)
Kicked the gym's butt!
Came home and had a healthy breakfast!
Am drinking lots of water!
Here's to sustained effort!

(In case I re-read this later...because I'll be honest with you and tell you that I do come back and re-read my posts) here's a message for future me:

Hey! You CAN DO THIS! Do it for your children, do it for you health but most of all DO IT FOR YOURSELF!

Sunday, October 10, 2010

None of it matters

All I can do is begin anew, right? I've spent the weekend sort of being disgusted with myself and eating my way through those emotions. Smart, right? Well, what's done is done and I could have been a lot more horrible than I was but tomorrow is another day. My gym bag's packed, the iPod's loaded, and I'm ready to kick this week's ass.

For those that read this (if anyone reads it) - if you've had weight loss success, did you fumble around a bit at first? Or did you just stare your goals in the face and not look back? I'm interested in what others have to say!

I hope ALL of you out there have an awesome week! I'll be trying to update more frequently!

Friday, October 8, 2010

How Many More Times?

How many more times do I have to be disgusted with myself before I actually take SUSTAINED action? In many (most, really) ways, I'm nothing like my mother. In the fact that I start things that will better my life and I don't finish, I am just like her. I can't tell you how much that infuriates me yet here I am.

I don't know how many of you know this, but I am a licensed in-home childcare provider. I took my own girls and my 4 daycare children to the park today. And you know what? Instead of getting up and playing / running with them like I normally do, I sat on the bench and watched them and cheered them from the sidelines. Who, exactly, is that helping? Not them, who would have loved for me to get off my fat ass and play with them. And certainly not me, who could use every bit of movement I can.

I'm at that precipice, I think of either saying "Fuck it" to the whole process or buckling down (for real-real) and getting this weight off.

My brother, also a life-long big person, has chosen to own his situation and has lost a ton of weight so far and he's got his eye on the goal. And I'll be honest here, I always thought it would be ME who lost the weight first, not him. Not because I'm better-than or anything, I just always thought, "when I really put my mind to it, I'll do it."

This whole blog is for me to be brutally honest and I guess I probably should be. I disgust myself. I rarely use mirrors unless I have to because I HATE what I see. My body image has always been skewed, but in the opposite way of most people who want to lose weight. Most people know they're fat and always think they're fat even after they've lost a ton of weight. Me, I have always thought of myself as smaller than I really am, which is probably why I have gotten so big I'm wearing a size 24 now. You heard that shit right, a 24. But my body image is catching up with my weight and I don't just feel fat, I feel OBESE. I f-ing hate that word but that's the only word to describe what I feel.

So why don't I just stop eating all the crap I'm eating? You'd figure that a person who doesn't eat meat wouldn't have such a problem. My rational brains says, "I'm just going to stop, that's all. I have willpower and I'm going to use it." But I've attached so much emotion to food I don't know how to un-attach it.

I guess it's just something I have to learn. Any suggestions?

Friday, October 1, 2010

I will never be that girl

Maybe you know that woman or are that woman - the one who wears high heels with jeans and checks several times a day to make sure her makeup is perfect. I'm not that woman and just don't see it in me to ever be that woman. Maybe that's one of my flaws, I don't know. And the bottom line, really, is because I'm too lazy to be that woman. I just can't see spending the time it takes to be that woman.

So I find myself wondering. Do I not invest enough time in myself? Yes, my personality and that woman's personality are pretty much polar opposites, yet sometimes, secretly (ok, I guess the secret's out now), I kind of wish I could be her. Put-together looking instead of the same kind of capri pants and t-shirt every day. "Hair-do" vs. my every day pony tail. A selection of shoes instead of: tennis shoes or flip flops. I still don't know if I'd be happy being that woman even if I was her.

Which leads me to even more questions. When will I be happy? I don't mean with my life - I truly do have a fantastic husband and my kids just absolutely make my day, every day. But when will I be truly happy with myself, and is that even really truly attainable? I don't think I have ever in my entire life felt that. As an adult my weight has held me back (DUH, Colleen - do something about it, right?) When I was a kid, lots of things held me back but I just never really had that self-confidence I read so much about. Still don't. I question myself at every turn. I sabotage myself. I rationalize stupid behavior.

I won't be that high heels in jeans woman, but the other night, walking into Walmart for some not-even-remotely healthy treats for my husband and I to share after the kids went to bed, I realized what woman I HAVE become. That fat woman that I always looked at and thought: At least I'm not THAT fat. I am now the standard of what I told myself I'd never become. So what the hell am I going to do about it?
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