I have had a really tough few weeks, eating / exercising aside. Emotionally I have felt "vacant," if that makes sense. I withstood a very traumatic event which I really don't want to get into details about, but will say it wasn't an act of violence and doesn't have anything to do with something being "done" to me. I have been very thankful for the help, understanding, and ever sensitive ear of my husband. If I hadn't had him these past few weeks I just really don't know what kind of emotional mess I would be. Sorry to be so vague here, but it was a very personal thing and I don't know that I'm ready to talk about it with anyone.
So the "event" aside, I still had to be together for my kids, who know nothing of what happened and probably never will unless they are much much older. I am happy to say, however, this past weekend has helped to pull me out of the fog I had been living in. Time with my three favorite people in the world started mending my broken heart and now it's time to get my health back on track too.
I don't know that it ever feels "good" to eat your way out of depression. And I don't know that I've ever truly, honestly been "comforted" by food at all. So what the hell do I eat non-sensically (I know - not a word) for when I'm feeling down? Seriously I can be halfway through a pop-tart before I realize I'm even eating it and identify that I'm not really hungry.
I feel like I'm coming to the conclusion that I'm just sort of f-ed up mentally.
But anyway. Back on the elliptical and/or treadmill tomorrow!