I haven't blogged in a while. Truth told, I've had a bad couple of weeks. Food-wise, losing-weight-wise, whatever. I do indeed plan on signing up with Weight Watchers online but feel incredibly guilty doing so before Christmas. It's a money issue. I'll do it the last week of December, I swear on my babies.
I've been thinking about addictions the past several days. In particular, food addiction. I have a vicious cycle I allow myself to get caught up in and it's this: do great with exercise / food intake, get complacent, eat too much and trust myself to stop / gain weight / give up.
So I went to FoodAddicts.org and read through their checklist of what makes a food addict. Here it is, along with my candid, often times embarrassing answers.
To answer this question, ask yourself the following questions and answer them as honestly as you can.
1 Have you ever wanted to stop eating and found you just couldn't?
Yes. Quite often. Once I say, "I'm done" and push the plate away, if I don't get up right away and take care of the plate, I still keep picking. EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
2 Do you think about food or your weight constantly?
I don't know that I'd say constantly, but yes - quite a lot. I've become hyper-sensitive about it - really dating back to last fall (2009) when we went on a cruise and the vacation pictures of me were completely embarrassing.
3 Do you find yourself attempting one diet or food plan after another, with no lasting success?
I don't attempt one after another, no. But consistency and sticking with something is my real problem.
4 Do you binge and then "get rid of the binge" through vomiting, exercise, laxatives, or other forms of purging?
No. I just binge.
5 Do you eat differently in private than you do in front of other people?
Yes. I eat larger quantities and types of foods when alone than in front of others. This is stupid, I know. And you'd think that because I'd be embarrassed eating the way I have in private if I were with someone that I'd stop. But I don't.
6 Has a doctor or family member ever approached you with concern about your eating habits or weight?
The only one who ever did that to me was my father, who passed away 9 years ago. I'm sure many others have wanted to. But he was the only one who had the guts to do it. And it hurt my feelings then.
7 Do you eat large quantities of food at one time (binge)?
Yes. Not sure what else to say to that.
8 Is your weight problem due to your "nibbling" all day long?
I don't think so. I think it's due to the fact that mostly I'm lazy and can't stop eating. Well I can, I just don't.
9 Do you eat to escape from your feelings?
I don't think I eat to escape from my feelings, but I do eat to "deal" with them. Which, yes - I know it doesn't work.
10 Do you eat when you're not hungry?
11 Have you ever discarded food, only to retrieve and eat it later?
12 Do you eat in secret?
Again, it's excruciatingly embarrassing, but yes, I do.
13 Do you fast or severely restrict your food intake?
I have never been able to do that.
14 Have you ever stolen other people's food?
"Stolen" as in from a store or something: no. I have stolen bites off other people's plates, though (mostly my kids. I know, it's horrible.)
15 Have you ever hidden food to make sure you have "enough?"
Not to make sure I had "enough," but so that other people wouldn't know what I was eating or planning to eat.
16 Do you feel driven to exercise excessively to control your weight?
I sometimes wish I did.
17 Do you obsessively calculate the calories you've burned against the calories you've eaten?
18 Do you frequently feel guilty or ashamed about what you've eaten?
Every. Single. Day.
19 Are you waiting for your life to begin "when you lose the weight?"
I don't think it will "begin" once I lose weight. But I think it will be fuller.
20 Do you feel hopeless about your relationship with food?
Yes, yes, and double-triple yes.
So to sum it up, I have 13 "yes" answers and 7 "no" answers. This is what www.FoodAddicts.org says about a possible food addiction:
If you answered yes to any of the above questions, then you may be a food addict.
Sounds as flippant as a stupid Jeff Foxworthy joke, doesn't it? I think it's pretty clear what category I might fit into. Now I need to figure out why, and what to do about it. Either way it really opened my eyes to a few things. IT IS SO EASY to slip into old habits. SO FREAKING EASY. But sometimes things that aren't easy are the ones most worth pursuing.
How have you all been doing?