My husband and I went to a hockey game tonight. We enjoyed ourselves as only we can (guess you just have to know us to understand our sense of humor) and just generally enjoyed each other's company while our 2 children were at home with Grandma. But one thing has bothered me all evening.
I've let myself become "that" woman. The one who doesn't fit in the seat so well at the arena. The one who has to cross her arms for most of the game so she doesn't touch the folks sitting next to her. The one who is probably being stared at by the people behind her. I couldn't just jump up and celebrate a goal (our St. Louis Blues lost 4-2, by the way. Bah!). I was winded walking to and from the arena. I sat in my seat and said to myself, "THIS ENDS TODAY."
I WILL NOT attend another hockey game at the weight I am today. I will not sit in my seat, embarrassed by my size. I will not let my size ruin my good time. I am a good person. I need to show myself that. I need to believe that I DESERVE to be healthy and thinner and ACTIVE. It's a CHOICE. Nobody's making me do this. Nobody MADE me gain back the weight I've already lost (and then some? We'll see at my weigh in tomorrow morning). They were all choices, conscious or not.
I can CHOOSE something different for myself.
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Colleen you are such a beautiful woman inside and out and I know you will meet all your goals
ReplyDeleteRemember this, maybe those people never even noticed the negative things you were thinking about yourself.
ReplyDeleteColleen, please don't be so hard on yourself. I know it's hard. One advice my friend gave me when I was so upset with not losing my baby weight , she told me not to miss out on anything because I will lose it and be back to my old self You will do this! Good luck!
ReplyDeleteYou can do it Colleen. You have to be strong and fight for yourself. No one else can do this for you but you. Yes!!! Choose something different!!!
ReplyDeleteThank you for the comments! People probably didn't even notice me. But when you're a big girl in a sea of smaller people, you tend to feel like there's a spotlight on you and people are whispering behind their hands at you. Silly, I know!
ReplyDeleteThank you for the words of encouragement!
Colleen, please don't be so hard on yourself. I know it's hard. One advice my friend gave me when I was so upset with not losing my baby weight , she told me not to miss out on anything because I will lose it and be back to my old self You will do this! Good luck!
ReplyDeleteColleen you are such a beautiful woman inside and out and I know you will meet all your goals
ReplyDelete