Day 28: "A picture of something you're afraid of."
I've always been sort of wishy-washy. Although I don't remember being told "you'll never be able to do that" as a child, I still (very often) think that of myself when I embark on a new challenge.
On the outside I appear tough, but I'm really not. I'm good in a crisis, I suppose, but underneath it all is still a little kid who thinks she can't really do anything on her own.
I second guess myself when I'm driving, talking to strangers (one of my major anxieties), trying to figure something out, sometimes when I'm parenting, and to a degree now that I'm on this fitness journey (I have always hated the word "diet." I mean for God's sake, it's got the word "die" in it).
If I feel full after a mean, my brain starts to kick in and say, "You've done it now. That was too much, the rest of the day will be ruined!" If I account for a piece of candy and then eat it, my brain says, "Candy, huh? Have another one. And another. And another."
However, I'm very pleased to say that more often than not, I tell my brain to shut the hell up. I know in my heart I can do this. There will be days that will be easier than others, but by and large, for the most part, if I stick to my plan, I'm good to go.
Yes, I'm afraid to fail at this. But sometimes a little fear is just what I need to give me a swift kick in my ample rear and get it going. I've made this journey as public as I can. I know I have people watching me. Believe me, that was completely HORRIFYING, to go this public. But now that I know I'm not alone and there are plenty of people out there JUST LIKE ME, willing to help me along, it's not all that scary anymore. It's like weight loss took it's scary mask off and joined the damn party already.
Still to come:
29. A picture that can always make you smile
30. A picture of someone you miss