Saturday, March 19, 2011

Stopping The Cycle

A friend on Twitter asked the other day, "Moms...Q: are you fearful of passing on your crazy eating issues to your kids? I work so hard not to. Food shouldn't =reward!"

This really hits home with me.  I have two young daughters, aged 6 and 2.  My husband and I work hard every day to make sure they are safe, know that they are loved, and we try to teach them how to be kind, loving, productive members of society.  My parenting confession:  I am terrified my daughters will inherit my food "issues."

My oldest daughter is the classic "picky eater."  She liked traditional kid-friendly food - mac & cheese, chicken nuggets, peanut butter & jelly, etc.  She is not a fan of vegetables, but she does like fruit.  She doesn't really like meat, and isn't really keen on trying new things.  There have been many times in the past where we have argued about food.  I always said I would not be that mom who would make more than one meal for the family, but you know what?  I've come to a place where I don't want to put so much focus on food.  If that means making a little something else for her if she doesn't like what's on the menu, then I will.  I'm not going to force her to eat something just because I think she should eat it. 

My 2 year old - she'll eat just about anything.  She is my adventurous eater and loves spicy and sour flavors.  Vegetables are among her favorite foods and she loves all fruits with the exception of cantaloupe and kiwi.  She loves trying new things and loves to "help" me cook.  She also loves treats, but come on - who doesn't?

I do not make food a reward or a punishment.  It's not a focus of our life.  We explain the nutritional value of food, explain that it fuels our body and leave it at that.  I will not shame my children if they don't like the things I like.  If they don't like it, I'm not going to force them to eat it.  I won't force them to clean their plates, nor do I praise them for cleaning their plates.  I do praise them for trying new things, but that's about as far as it goes.

We make the conversation at the dinner table our focus, not what's on our plates.  And I pray that it works - and they don't end up like me.

12 comments:

  1. go mom! (& i don't like cantaloupe either.)

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  2. It sounds like everything is going well for your girls! I'm very, very worried about passing my food issues to my kids if I ever have any - mine definitely started when I was young, watching the way my parents ate.

    But to be honest, I think I'm more worried about giving them anorexia/bulimia type disorders than binge eating - even though my own eating patterns aren't terribly rigid now, I'm still worried about overdoing it and making them obsessed with thinness. I don't want them to be obese and to suffer and avoid life like I did for so many years, but I don't want them to be so thin that it hurts them, too. I want them to be healthy, and happy kids - I just hope that I can give help them build a healthy relationship with food!

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  3. I am so proud of you and oh_mg!! God gave us inborn signals for eating and stopping eating. You are both very wise to let your kids make their own food choices and their timetables for eating. How our culture got so wrapped up in all the many facets of eating is beyond me. Food has been a weapon, a reward, a punishment - no wonder we adults are confused. Well done girls.

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  4. I do not have children, but I worry about the same thing. One of the biggest issues I'm overcoming as an adult is the clean your plate mentality. I never want to force my kids to eat when they are not hungry. Hopefully I've learned enough skills to not let me pass on my bad eating habits.

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  5. For some reason, I taught my ids to eat veggies raw, drink lots of water and mil. I was great in making sure they got out the door of life without my issues. The funny thing is now, they are teaching me to let go of bad habits. Teaching them good habits works. Trust me. :-)

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  6. I only have one 2yo girl, but my biggest fear is that she'll end up with my food issues. So far she loves fruit and veggies, and we're trying to encourage that as much as we can. The master part of my strategy is to show her how to live healthily, which means that I have to eat healthy and be active too, and we all know that's the hard part.

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  7. I think you are doing a great job. My girls are 8 and 4 and my oldest is picky and my youngest will eat just about anything. I am also a picky eater. We use the green eggs and ham story to get my oldest to at least try something new. We do not make them clean their plates, and we do not make them eat something they don't like.

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  8. Try as we may, they pick up things from us we wish they wouldn't. I know what you are saying but we can only do the best we can. The rest is up to them.

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  9. I have shared on my blog that I would go back and change how I fed my kids if I could. I know that I shaped their eating, and it is not good. Neither eats veggies, and there is a whole lotta crap going on. Fortunately, at 18 and 21, neither has food issues or weight issues. But they sure don't eat well!

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  10. Love your blog! I am your newest follower! :) Erin

    www.purplebookbloggingmommy.blogspot.com

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  11. Thank you for the nice comments and welcome to all our new friends!!

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  12. You are doing a great job! I have always worked/lived around food for entertainment, so it's been difficult to change things to work into my better eating, etc. My 10yo daughter and husband have been exceptionally supportive - even with all the calorie talk. But, I do worry that she is at a fragile age (prepping to go into middle school) with all this focus on food and image. Thankfully she is thin and active, without putting in effort.

    Keep up the great work, Colleen!

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