Tuesday, April 19, 2011

I'm Not So Good At Making Friends

Online, it's much easier for me to interact with people.  Face-to-face, I'm not so confident when it comes to friend-making.

I don't have that circle of friends that a lot of women have, and I don't have one super close girlfriend I can tell anything to.  People drift, you know?  I wonder sometimes why it is that I'm not very good at making friends.  It's no secret that small talk with strangers scares me.  I'm not much of a joiner, either.  Online friends are MUCH easier to make because I don't have to doubt myself.  I don't have to show myself.  Nobody has to look me in the eye.  Online I am the person I wish I was confident enough to be in real life.

My husband is my best friend, really.  But I don't think he quite understands "girl" issues.  I sometimes wish that I had that super-close girlfriend everyone else seems to have, so I could share girl stuff with her.  But that would involve putting myself out there on a limb, wouldn't it?

I think that part of me thinks that I don't deserve to have a close relationship with any other female because I feel that I'll say the wrong thing, do the wrong thing, or be judged too harshly.  I'm honestly sort of amazed when I meet new people and discover that they like me.  But I rarely take that relationship to the next level, friends-wise.

A pretty smart person (yours truly) once said something to the effect of, "quit whining and just do it."  So this is something I need to be better at....putting myself out there and believing in myself a little more.  I think I'm a good person, and a fairly decent friend.  I just have to trust myself enough to show people that!

PS- this is not a pity party for Colleen....just me making observations.  I'm obviously not miserable - just would like to add that "friends" dimension to my life!

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