Sunday, July 3, 2011

Two Small Days, One Big Revelation

Recently my blogging buddy Mary at A Small Loss talked about the difference between overeating and a binge being her intent.  If the intent is self-harm, it's a binge (paraphrasing here, with my apologies to Mary).  I agree with this, even if I don't recognize it while it's happening.  When I binge, I'm not trying to quell hunger.  I'm trying to fill some emotional need by stuffing myself so full I wish I could just slit my stomach open and have all fall out (nobody said the visual would be pretty). 

I've had this sentiment in my head for several days.  And most of this week, on-track-wise, has been stellar.  I tracked, I drank gallons of water, I made smart choices, I had some killer workouts.  I felt so in control and that is a wonderfully liberating feeling.

When I binge, it's not about WHAT food I'm eating.  It wouldn't matter if my house was stocked with only fruits and vegetables.  If I was going to binge I'd binge on those.  The fact that they're fruits and vegetables wouldn't change the fact that a binge is a binge.  It's not the FOOD'S FAULT.  It's my brain that makes the decisions.  YES, I love baked goods.  YES, I love ice cream.  YES, I love pasta.  But a true binge isn't going to discriminate.

It's not about the food we binge on, people.  That homemade ice cream sandwich I ate today?  I can't blame it for any of the other food choices I made today.  No, I didn't binge.  But I could have.  Before a binge I get a shaky and panicky feeling, but today I didn't get that way.

I did overeat this weekend.  I did.  But the point is that I didn't binge.  Was the overeating smart?  In the grand scheme of things, it was a couple of days where I cut loose a little.  I'm not going to sit here and be all "get back on the horse" because we all know that's what I have to do.  I made conscious choices all weekend long.  I allowed myself to have a beer with my husband during lunch.  I enjoyed a few cookies with my children.  I taught my 2 year old that we can make nachos with turkey (which fascinated her and led her to the decision that she wants "a turkey" for her birthday).  I shared a snack with my girls during Family Movie Day.  I enjoyed life but didn't use that as an excuse to binge.

So, while I thought earlier that the score was Weekend - 1, Colleen - 0....I've rethought that rationale.  Despite what the scale might say in the morning, I think that the real score was a tie. 

I hope you all had a wonderful weekend and to all of my American friends - have a happy and safe Independence Day tomorrow!

No comments:

Post a Comment

Thanks so much for visiting my blog. Check me out on Twitter (@OnwardColleen) and come back often! As always - feel free to email me any time!

Blog Design by Likely Lola