7 months ago I looked down at the scale and it told me I weighed more than 260 pounds. That's a number I was quite ashamed of and never dreamed I'd EVER share with anyone. I was so ashamed I wouldn't even entertain the thought of telling my husband, who is my best friend, my biggest supporter, and my safe place in the storm. I felt like if people knew that number they'd think less of me. They'd make fun of me. They'd think I was a rotten person.
But who was I kidding? Looking back now, it's not like I was hiding my weight in any way. I was just pretending it wasn't a problem. Look at any photo of me from then (if you can find one) and it's pretty plain that 260 was my number.
But I got brave. I shared the number eventually here on my blog and guess what? Nobody showed up at my door to burn me at the steak. I shared that number with my brother and do you know what happened? He supported me. I got brave enough to do actual workouts at the gym instead of coasting along on the bike or treadmill and putting in my time.
I got brave enough to start loving myself.
Not every day is the perfect Weight Watchers day or the perfect workout day. But I am putting more effort into myself now than I ever have before and I've got to tell you, it feels good. I feel loveable. I feel confident. I feel like I have the right to do what I'm doing - and I DO!
You don't have to be miserable. You can choose happiness and make it happen. I know that sounds easier said than done but it's so incredibly easy that anyone can do it. Be thankful for those that love you. Be thankful for the roof over your head and the food you're able to eat. Be thankful for the health of your family and the healthy life you're building for yourself.
When you do that, the numbers will start changing - the number on the scale, the number of minutes you can run, the number of times you laugh each day, the number on the size tags of your clothes, the number of times you smile.
I look at the scale now and it tells me I'm at 225, and inching toward my lowest recorded weight as an adult - 219. After that 199 is going to be so sweet. But I won't stop there. I choose happiness, and with it I choose to change my numbers.