I've been talking lately about my quest for the #7daychip and the #30daychip with the great group of people supporting each other on Twitter (To learn more, go here: Brad Gansberg's 7 Day Chip Group) Basically you set the parameters for the goal you want to achieve with your eating. If you achieve that goal for 7 straight days, you earn a 7 Day Chip. You then keep going until eventually you earn your 30 Day Chip. My goal was not to binge and keep in control of my eating.
Yesterday, I lost the quest. I was on Day 14.
I felt weepy, angry, and so disappointed in myself. I had made it so far, almost half way to the 30 Day Chip. I had been feeling so strong, so indestructible. And then I failed.
The day started off with a good breakfast. Then I took my oldest daughter to the movies and we shared some M&M's. I believe this was the trigger. I had not planned for them and I did not really control my portion. But I figured I would account for them on my online tracker when I got home. Then the whole family went to lunch at Steak & Shake. I don't know if you're all familiar with this restaurant, but they serve GIGANTIC milkshakes that are, quite simply put, Freaking Incredible. But......I DID NOT ORDER ONE. I ate my meal and enjoyed lunch out with my family. Lunch was actually a victory.
Then dinner making happened. And it was all downhill from there. I ate constantly while making dinner. Then I ate dinner, a much-too-big portion and then I ate seconds. And then I ate while I cleaned up. And then I ate some candy. Etc, Etc, Etc. I felt so weak. I felt so defeated. I felt so angry with myself. I felt the way I always used to feel before starting this quest. And so I tweeted about it, and sent my friend Beth a text about it.
And instead of people telling me, "Colleen you're an idiot and why did you destroy all the good work you've done," (As I expected them.....even wanted them to say, just to validate my feelings about myself) they all said - "You made it 13 whole days. Be proud of that and move on to the next 13 and beyond. You've had a victory and need to get back at having another."
AND THEY ARE ALL RIGHT.
Before I started in with this 7 Day / 30 Day Chip group, I would stay within my Weight Watchers points range every day, but my eating would not be controlled. I would binge, buy count my points. I didn't feel this was productive. I knew I needed to be in control. And for ME to go 13 days without a binge is a great victory. I'm not saying the binge yesterday was ok. It wasn't. But I've learned from it. And my next goal is not to go three thousand days without a binge. My next goal is to go at least 14 days without a binge and then beyond.
I've proven to myself I can do it. Now I have to do it again.
And I promise myself:
No more M&Ms (I don't even really like them!)
I will seek the help of my support network in times of crisis
I will love myself, despite my flaws and I will work very hard to change them
So, yeah - I fell off the wagon. But I have not failed.
I will not fail. Not this time.