Sunday, February 20, 2011

Failure?

I've been talking lately about my quest for the #7daychip and the #30daychip with the great group of people supporting each other on Twitter (To learn more, go here: Brad Gansberg's 7 Day Chip Group) Basically you set the parameters for the goal you want to achieve with your eating. If you achieve that goal for 7 straight days, you earn a 7 Day Chip. You then keep going until eventually you earn your 30 Day Chip. My goal was not to binge and keep in control of my eating.

Yesterday, I lost the quest. I was on Day 14.

I felt weepy, angry, and so disappointed in myself. I had made it so far, almost half way to the 30 Day Chip. I had been feeling so strong, so indestructible. And then I failed.

The day started off with a good breakfast. Then I took my oldest daughter to the movies and we shared some M&M's. I believe this was the trigger. I had not planned for them and I did not really control my portion. But I figured I would account for them on my online tracker when I got home. Then the whole family went to lunch at Steak & Shake. I don't know if you're all familiar with this restaurant, but they serve GIGANTIC milkshakes that are, quite simply put, Freaking Incredible. But......I DID NOT ORDER ONE. I ate my meal and enjoyed lunch out with my family. Lunch was actually a victory.

Then dinner making happened. And it was all downhill from there. I ate constantly while making dinner. Then I ate dinner, a much-too-big portion and then I ate seconds. And then I ate while I cleaned up. And then I ate some candy. Etc, Etc, Etc. I felt so weak. I felt so defeated. I felt so angry with myself. I felt the way I always used to feel before starting this quest. And so I tweeted about it, and sent my friend Beth a text about it.

And instead of people telling me, "Colleen you're an idiot and why did you destroy all the good work you've done," (As I expected them.....even wanted them to say, just to validate my feelings about myself) they all said - "You made it 13 whole days. Be proud of that and move on to the next 13 and beyond. You've had a victory and need to get back at having another."

AND THEY ARE ALL RIGHT.

Before I started in with this 7 Day / 30 Day Chip group, I would stay within my Weight Watchers points range every day, but my eating would not be controlled. I would binge, buy count my points. I didn't feel this was productive. I knew I needed to be in control. And for ME to go 13 days without a binge is a great victory. I'm not saying the binge yesterday was ok. It wasn't. But I've learned from it. And my next goal is not to go three thousand days without a binge. My next goal is to go at least 14 days without a binge and then beyond.

I've proven to myself I can do it. Now I have to do it again.

And I promise myself:

No more M&Ms (I don't even really like them!)
I will seek the help of my support network in times of crisis
I will love myself, despite my flaws and I will work very hard to change them

So, yeah - I fell off the wagon. But I have not failed.

I will not fail. Not this time.

9 comments:

  1. Good morning Colleen! As I was reading your post, I was thinking the same thing. Fail? No way, you had 13 days, that is an accomplishment. If you go another 13 days that would be 2 off track moments in just under a month. I would say SUCCESS!!
    I totally agree with trigger foods. I still cringe a bit thinking of all I ate on vday. But its almost been a week since then.
    so proud of you girl!!!

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  2. Colleen... no way did you fail. You have accomplished so much. Be proud of yourself. I remember cheating on Halloween. Candy, candy, and more candy. The next day I got right back on and moved forward. Look where I am today. If I let that little slip up ruin what I built, I wouldn't be where I am today. You are a success story in the making and stories never go smoothly :-)

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  3. There's another 7 days ahead of you. Those are the ones to focus on!

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  4. I agree with all the statements above. Just stay focused on the future.

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  5. I totally agree that the M&M's were the culprit. If not, let's blame them anyway. I get so off course when I eat sugar. Oh well, lesson learned, right? Why call yourself names, etc.? What would that do to help, right?

    Love your attitude. You will not fail. Absolutely not. Onward you go.

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  6. You know, I HATE Cheez-Its and Saturday night I sat my sick (as in Sinus Infection) butt down on the couch and gorged my way through half a box I suspect (before throwing the box on the floor, knowing I'd be too lazy to get up and retreive it!). And this morning it bummed me out, so I ate 4 chocolates and agreed to a gorgefest at IHOP. I don't know why we binge. But the fact that you identified the culprit is helpful, and the fact that you did have 13 days of success only proves that you CAN have 14, and 15 and 30 days of success. You'll get there. Just remember that its not about yeasterday, or even your last meal...its about right now. The next choice you make is the choice that matters.

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  7. Ya know.

    I need to get ON the wagon.

    So I'm new here...and praying I don't fall off before I even get started.

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  8. Don't give up! I have for years lost a few pounds then gotten discouraged and given up when I gained a pound or two back. When I reached my all time high weight last December I read something that put it all into perspective. If I only lost 5 pounds this year, it was better than gaining 5. If I keep trying and only lost 1 pound a month for a year that would be 12 pounds less than I currently am. You have nothing to lose but the weight if you keep trying. I am down 14 pounds since Dec 2010. My new motto is “Nothing tastes as good as being thin feels!” I try to remember this when I want to have another portion! Keep up the good work! Love your blog.

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  9. Your attitude is just so good!

    I am doing my first 7 day chip at the moment too, so this has really helped me

    xx
    lesley

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