Wednesday, August 24, 2011

There Are Some Days You Feel You Just Can't Go On

People often tell me how positive and upbeat I am.  How inspirational (still don't believe that one) and energetic I am.  But there are days, like today and the last few, where I feel anything but those things.  Where I feel like I'm a fraud and I'll never lose another pound.  Days where I feel like I'll be fat


I have days where I feel like no matter how far I've come mentally and physically, I just want to say "to hell with it" and throw in the towel. 


Part of this attitude right now is me feeling sick.  And of course, unlike most people, when I'm sick I just want to eat.  And eat.  And eat.  And eat.  And I'm rarely sick.  But still.  It's this feeling gnawing at me.  I feel like I want to sit down and just give up.

But a lot of it is that this shit I'm doing is hard.  I've come to a point in my journey where I'm really enjoying exercise.  I am really putting a lot of effort into the C25K program and I'm seeing results.  But the eating?  Holy cannoli (yes, I want about 5 of those), am I ever going to get the eating thing down?  I will do completely and totally awesome and track everything and stay within my points for a long time and then.....BAM.  I'm flat on my face again.


Just because quitting is the easy thing, doesn't mean it's the right thing. I  know I have to ride this low and tough it out and get back on top.  But holy crap does it make me want to cry and scream and duct tape my mouth shut.

You can tell when I'm not doing that well when I'm quiet here.  I really ought to get back to blogging more often, even if I have to do it through tears or from an anger management class. 

How are ya'll doing?  Let me know - good, bad, or ugly.  I care about all of you!

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